Angel Alucard

Amália Rodrigues: "Desde que existe a Morte, a Vida é imediatamente absurda. Sempre pensei assim". translation: "Since Death exists, Life is imediatelly absurd. I always thought like that." I see myself through this artist that I have mentioned in two of my postings... Let's see, deep inside, we can always find the most true of ourselves, when we go across our soul, our thoughts. An artist always reaches the deepest of his/her soul through his/her creations... Lately I haven't been able to paint, but I've been writing some poems. I'm in there, whichever I like it or not... Ok, I'm not really inspired today... Maybe one of these days... If I'm still breathing!!!

Prece Letra e música: Alain Oulman/ Pedro Homem de Melo Talvez que eu morra na praia Cercada em pérfido banho Por toda a espuma da praia Como um pastor que desmaia No meio do seu rebanho. Talvez que eu morra na rua E dê por mim de repente Em noite fria e sem luar E mando as pedras da rua Pisadas por toda a gente. Talvez que eu morra entre grades No meio de uma prisão Porque o mundo além das grades Venha esquecer as saudades Que roem meu coração. Talvez que eu morra de noite Onde a morte é natural As mãos em cruz sobre o peito Das mãos de Deus tudo aceito Mas que eu morra em Portugal. Fado interpretado por AMÁLIA RODRIGUES, um dos meus favoritos, que toca tanto na minha alma que até dói!!! É dificil quando alguém que não nós, chega ao mais profundo da nossa alma... e é assim com esta artista morta... Morta, corporalmente, a sua alma persiste em toda a obra que deixou no Mundo dos vivos...

Back on my blog, back on my online writing, back on settling down my ideas... It's still a part of the "Despair..." post. Maybe the part two... I am in the caffé, writing this, listening to someone talking. People joking, talking aloud, and I'm feeling lost on my own fear... "Fear of what?", you may be asking and I just have to keep my mouth shut, because I'm too scared to make the mistake of talking again... But now, it's too late!! I've talked too much and I may be chased 'till death. It's funny how people say they love each others, but when problems  around, they turn you their backs and forget that you exist... It's sad, but true and I'm trying to run away from something that I'm too scared to face!! What can I do?! How can I run away from this problem?! Just like I said before, if my voice shuts, it might mean I'm dead...

We all have an inner voice... Sometimes, we don't listen it and we don't do what we really wish to. It is, most of times, what makes us regret the past, the things that we could have done and that we have been too affraid of... Set your inner voice free, listen to it more often and you'll be way happier... Sometimes, it's the best you can do, eventhough you think things are gonna be too crazy... Don't be affraid!!! Go for it!!! I have had to learn that I gotta listen to my inner voice, because it may be my consciense talking. It may be our deepest desires coming up... And I did, I listened to my inner voice... And, now, I can say, I won!!!

Despair can take over us, even only for seconds, and it can really damage our soul and mind. I'm living in a despair of getting killed for a mistake... The mistake of talking!! I don't know... If my words shut down, perhaps I'm dead!!!

I have no inspiration to write today... Maybe it's a thing of one moment only, but it's what's happening. I am trying to write something down, I am trying to put down some words on here, but I simple can´t. Why am I'm even trying?! Why am I being stupid, thinking that I'll manage to write something down, when I'm lost on shitty thoughts? What for, then?! I don't know... And I'll keep in ignorance!!

I'm in the caffé... There's some people around, including the waiters, of course, and next to me is a guitar. It wouldn't be the first time that I would come into the caffé and one of the employers would be playing and singing. I'm sorry that I can't play and I'm wanting too much to listen. I look into the guitar and I think of fado, the way it touches my soul. "Man, pick up the guitar and play!!", and the afternoon goes by!!