Angel Alucard

Tal como no sexo, quando manda mensagem para um chat para trocar umas mensagens com alguém, é para aquele momento e pronto, no dia a seguir cada um segue a sua vida e continuamos estranhos. Não o faço com intuito de prolongar as conversas e criar o que seja dali. Tal como escrevi, na abertura do texto, no sexo, passa - se exactamente o mesmo: é foder e esquecer. As necessidades de ambas as partes (supõe-se que) ficam saciadas e não existe qualquer motivo para sermos amigos ou virmos a repetir. Se procuravam, em mim, alguma continuidade, enganaram - se na pessoa. Não sou de continuar, de marcar presença ou fazer vida. Sou desses momentos de necessidade, própria ou alheia, mas nada mais.

I shall not write too much. I shall not speak too much. I shall not pass too much info to whoever reads or listens to me. I shall not let my emotions drive my use of words. I shall not remember white spaces with wet grey floor and strong smell to piss. Or a small building, nearly destroyed, where things happened on a daily basis, that you'd expect them to happen only in movies. I have to sleep. I have to log off the Internet, turn off my phone and avoid his phone calls. I have to exit the streets during the weekend. He's no boogie man, rather an annoying carnivorous trying to get his meat, decided to take even by force. I have to sleep. Good night (I'm sorry for the inconvenience and any possible lack of sense in this text)

I know, I know. I should be less of a bitchy guy, but what to do? I know that I am using a dating app, however I have nothing there that tells I am looking for something. People are annoying in the real world and they can be more annoying in the virtual world - in the end, I just want to look at endless profiles and look at endless opportunities that I could take if I were open to that. I am not. People bother me even more, the more time passes by. People annoy me and my great desire to move to the countryside, where the possibility to see anyone decreases with the arrival of winter. I want to move to my grand dad's house (he passed away almost seven years ago) and live here for the rest of my life - since I was a little kid I have wanted to and the desire to do so only increases, the more life passes by and the more I deal with people. I know that I should allow them to come close, but I even want to move to this tiny little place, far from nearly everything and everyone, as I...