Angel Alucard

Back on my blog, back on my online writing, back on settling down my ideas... It's still a part of the "Despair..." post. Maybe the part two... I am in the caffé, writing this, listening to someone talking. People joking, talking aloud, and I'm feeling lost on my own fear... "Fear of what?", you may be asking and I just have to keep my mouth shut, because I'm too scared to make the mistake of talking again... But now, it's too late!! I've talked too much and I may be chased 'till death. It's funny how people say they love each others, but when problems  around, they turn you their backs and forget that you exist... It's sad, but true and I'm trying to run away from something that I'm too scared to face!! What can I do?! How can I run away from this problem?! Just like I said before, if my voice shuts, it might mean I'm dead...

We all have an inner voice... Sometimes, we don't listen it and we don't do what we really wish to. It is, most of times, what makes us regret the past, the things that we could have done and that we have been too affraid of... Set your inner voice free, listen to it more often and you'll be way happier... Sometimes, it's the best you can do, eventhough you think things are gonna be too crazy... Don't be affraid!!! Go for it!!! I have had to learn that I gotta listen to my inner voice, because it may be my consciense talking. It may be our deepest desires coming up... And I did, I listened to my inner voice... And, now, I can say, I won!!!

Despair can take over us, even only for seconds, and it can really damage our soul and mind. I'm living in a despair of getting killed for a mistake... The mistake of talking!! I don't know... If my words shut down, perhaps I'm dead!!!

I have no inspiration to write today... Maybe it's a thing of one moment only, but it's what's happening. I am trying to write something down, I am trying to put down some words on here, but I simple can´t. Why am I'm even trying?! Why am I being stupid, thinking that I'll manage to write something down, when I'm lost on shitty thoughts? What for, then?! I don't know... And I'll keep in ignorance!!

I'm in the caffé... There's some people around, including the waiters, of course, and next to me is a guitar. It wouldn't be the first time that I would come into the caffé and one of the employers would be playing and singing. I'm sorry that I can't play and I'm wanting too much to listen. I look into the guitar and I think of fado, the way it touches my soul. "Man, pick up the guitar and play!!", and the afternoon goes by!!

Amália Rodrigues, died in October 6th, 1999... My fave singer. One of my twin Souls!!! Next Saturday, on October 6th, it'll make 8 years since Amália Rodrigues gone... She departed and her voice have shut forever. She's a great singer!! Yes, she is!! She's still alive on her fans, friends and family hearts, so she will never really die, while there are some souls which listens to her voice, while there are some souls which cries with her words, like I do. I've never had the luck to meet her, but I'm sure that, someday, I'll close my eyes to never open them again and we'll meet each other on the other side. Some people don't understand how can I worship Amália Rodrigues, but I grown up with her on my radio, a bit like a little pirate which was singing for me. At my home, people haven't heard much fado, but I came out broken, I do like of what my family dislikes, I like of many things that some people might consider weird, stupid or disgusting. Well, i...